What Each RPG Class Searches at 2 AM
Every adventurer has questions. Some seek knowledge, some seek wisdom, some seek enlightenment… Others want to know whether a dragon can be grappled, if magic can solve a problem caused by magic, or where to find a retirement cottage with good fishing.
If adventurers had access to search engines, their search histories would probably reveal far more about them than their character sheets ever could, and honestly, some of these searches explain a lot.
Barbarian
- throwing a horse distance record
- can teammates be used as ammunition
- how aerodynamic is a horse
- heaviest thing ever thrown
- can I suplex a giant
- can you grapple a dragon
Bard
- songs guaranteed to make someone fall in love
- can I flirt with a dragon
- how to recover from public embarrassment
- best hat for dramatic entrances
- how to become famous quickly
- taverns with live music near me
Cleric
- signs my deity is testing me
- signs my deity is angry with me
- signs my deity forgot I exist
- common causes of divine silence
- how often can divine intervention occur
- stress relief for healers
Druid
- can bears get allergies
- can squirrels get allergies
- can I get allergies while a bear
- wolves near me
- wolves willing to travel
- am I spending too much time as a squirrel
Fighter
- sword repairs near me
- armour for sale near me
- how to fight a dragon and not get set on fire
- replacement shield prices
- why does every quest involve a dragon
- retirement cottages with good fishing
Monk
- breathing exercises
- advanced breathing exercises
- breathing exercises after travelling with a Barbarian
- how many deep breaths is too many
- can enlightenment be achieved through violence
- monastery vacancies near me
Paladin
- legal definition of "accidental arson"
- how many warnings before smiting
- signs your party are becoming villains
- how to tell if I am the villain
- what to do when your allies commit crimes
- can divine powers be revoked
Ranger
- animal tracks identification
- fastest route through forest
- signs of large predators nearby
- animal companion training
- long-range tracking methods
- why won't anyone stay on the trail
Rogue
- lockpicking for beginners
- lockpicking for educational purposes
- how to look innocent
- how to look innocent while running
- how to look innocent while carrying stolen goods
- why am I always the prime suspect
Sorcerer
- can raw talent replace studying
- signs your magic is getting out of control
- can magical side effects be permanent
- what happens if I use all my sorcery points at once
- can magic solve a problem caused by magic
- can confidence replace preparation
Warlock
- how to unsubscribe from a pact
- can patrons see search history
- signs your patron is disappointed
- signs your patron is angry
- signs your patron knows what you did
- how to unsubscribe from a pact urgently
Wizard
- difference between these two spells
- difference between these two spells explained simply
- difference between these two spells explained simply for idiots
- difference between these two spells explained simply for idiots with diagrams
- why nobody appreciates research
- fireball radius calculator
The Entire Party
- healing potions near me
- healing potions cheap
- healing potions very cheap
- can we fight a dragon at level 3
- consequences of our actions
- how to undo consequences of our actions
Now excuse the Barbarian, they have a dragon to grapple.